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April 27, 2009

Hell according to Joel and the 'bots

Rob @ 2:30 PM

[SOL]

(Joel is fitting Crow for a red jumpsuit; Tom is nearby serving as a pincusion.)

Crow: (stuck with a pin) Ow! Jeez!

Joel: Oh, gosh, I'm sorry, pal. I've been so distracted. I just keep thinking about that slick gas station in today's movie. Did you notice how sleek and beautiful it was?

Tom: (laughing) Ah, gee, Joel, can't say that I did. (under breath) Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo....

Joel: Hey, c'mon, I'm serious. There existed a time when our nation took pride in its service stations. They gleamed like a beacon of hope from coast to coast. Then, ka-blooey, Sky Chief Super Service turned into the Tank and Tummy. I don't mind telling you, the day this country went self-service was the day Hell began to bubble up and flood the earth.

Crow: Well, I hate to burst your bubble, Joel, but what about the bubonic plague? World war? Stalin?

Joel: Well, those are all big things. Hell works better when it's a lot more subtle. Here, I'll give you an example. Okay, Crow, what do you think of Adolf Hitler?

Crow: Well, I hate him, naturally.

Joel: Right. Now, what do you think of the band Styx?

Crow: Well, they had one or two decent... Oh my God, you're right!

Tom: I get it now, Joel! I'm not certain when Hell started for me, but I think it has something to do with Christopher Cross.

Joel: Yeah, well, remember the time when Charley Weaver died, and it wasn't even in the papers?

Crow: Or when they eighty-sixed Jarts.

Tom: I think the first time Flo said, "Kiss my grits", something inside all of us withered and died.

Crow: Using Joe Camel to sell cigarettes to kids seems like a pretty ripe slice of Hell.

Joel: I agree with that. And then there was the time Denis Leary released No Cure For Cancer as an album. And then the time Vicki Lawrence won a Grammy for The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia.

Tom: I know I stand alone on this, but the day Blansky's Beauties got cancelled.

Crow: Yeah, you stand alone on that. Sinbad's pretty icky.

Joel: Yeah, what about the Charlene Tilton work-out video?

Tom: Joel, what chance do we have in a world that keeps presenting us with vivid images of Hell?

Joel: Well, there's personal liberty, strength of conviction, those have been known to work... Then there's the time the country rallies together to beat back Hell, like the time we as a nation said no to Yahoo Serious.

Crow: I remember that, all of us, together, drawn inexplicably to the slobbering mouth of Hell, and then suddenly, somehow, by some unknown force, rescued in the nick of time like Moses and the Israelites.

Tom: Now, who in creation is powerful enough to do that?

Crow: (in a deep, Goliath voice) Gee, Davey, do you think it was God?

Joel: (with pins in mouth) We'll be right back. (Hits commercial button & continues fitting Crow)

Crow: (stuck again) Ah!

(cut)

e

April 21, 2009

Home again

Rob @ 12:40 PM

Notacon was 31 flavors of awesome.

I returned home yesterday afternoon and just crashed and decompressed from it all. I'll give things a better writeup soon.

April 13, 2009

Amazon fail

Rob @ 12:53 PM

Amazon.com seems to suddenly disapprove of gay things, removing the sales rankings from certain gay books whilst leaving their heterosexual counterparts alone.

For those unfamiliar with Amazon.com, they're that company who named themselves after a legendary race of isolated, cohabitating warrior women.

ETA: Neil Gaiman weighs in on the situation.

Notacon, etc.

Rob @ 10:55 AM

Best belated holiday wishes, where applicable.

Sometimes, in the interest of personal sanity, you just have to pull back from life, and let the world and all its drama happen around you for a bit. To this end I spent the weekend offline, choosing to take my mind off things with a combination of meditation, video games, British scifi, and a few phone calls.

In other news, who's going to Notacon? I am I am!

I'm very much looking forward to this trip, for many reasons. It'll be Nicky's and my monthly date. I'll get to catch up with friends I don't see in RL nearly enough, if at all. One or more of my Off the Hook co-conspirators will be in attendance. The con's talks and other events contain much that I cannot wait to see and do. The road trip out there promises to be an adventure in itself. And most importantly, I just really need a freaking vacation right about now.

Has anyone out there been to Cleveland? If you know of anything particularly interesting I should do out there, please share.

Extremely belated afterthought: I wonder if there's anyone about who'd be willing to loan me a video camera within the next couple of days.

April 3, 2009

Look at those cavemen go.

Rob @ 2:35 AM

Dear producers, cast, and crew of the American knockoff of Life on Mars, the finale of which I just watched,

May I please have those goddamned 12 hours and 45 minutes of my life back? I could have been collecting stamps, or shopping for socks.

Thanks in advance,

-- Rob

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