Rob’s blog of posts

Happy Halloween!!!

Your Friendly Neighborhood Louis has put together an asskicking Halloween Mix.

Convo with the lovely Courtney..

(22:53:18) Rob T Firefly: Hiyas!!@#$%^&*
(22:53:31) A Presaged Death: Hey!
(22:54:09) Rob T Firefly: I’m just about to get off AIM because I’m being IMed to death by a bunch of people, but I cant without saying hi to the coolest lady in the western US.
(22:54:48) A Presaged Death: Rob, marry me.

Why do all the best marriage proposals come from people who live a bajillion miles away?

Any stragglers who wish to join me and mine for the NYC Halloween Parade tomorrow, call me or drop me a line! I’m looking to arrive in Penn Station at 5:20 or so, and go from there.

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve grown a beard, for the sole purpose of bleaching it to match the wig for my Gene Frenkel costume. I normally don’t like having facial hair. It’s itchy, it’s difficult to keep soup out of, and when I’ve got my black hat and coat on I’m often mistaken for an Orthodox Jew. The only thing I really like about it is the fact that there’s more grey in it every time I grow it in. Grey hair is extremely neat.

Anyway, at a Samhain party last night a friend of mine who seemed to really like the beard ordered me to at least take some photos of it before I shave. So, this is me on the bus with a camera phone…

My greatest bearded achievement so far has been getting compared to Wooly Willy. I hope to surpass that with my performance tomorrow.

Can’t think up a proper post, but here’s a neat quiz swiped from the lovely Court…

1. What did you do last night?
Stayed up far too late listening to Doctor Who audio plays.

2. Who was the last person you called?
Fina.

3. What does the 5th text on your phone say?
It’s from my sister Jo, letting me know that she can’t come with to the parade because she’s a knob with a job.

4. When was the last time you thought about sex?
Just now reading this question.

5. When was the last time you got hurt?
The other day, I sliced a knuckle on my pocketknife while cutting fabric.

6. When was the last time you cried?
A few weeks ago, during a miserable migraine.

7. When was the last time you lost something?
I’ve always got a thing or two I can’t find.

8. What are you listening to right now?
Ike and Tina Turner.

9. Why did your last relationship end?
Nothing developed beyond friendship.

10. What bothers you the most about the opposite sex?
The “beauty” magazine business. If you’re a woman and own any of those, burn them immediately for the good of the world.

11. Where was the best date you’ve ever been on?
Hours of just walking, talking, and exploring.

12. What was the first thing a guy/girl bought for you?
The first that comes to mind.. I had a lovely pen pal from New Zealand ages ago, who once sent me some weirdass candy and a miniature copy of “The Color of Magic” by Terry Pratchett.

13. Do you date more than one person at once?
No.

14. What was the last movie you watched?
Either “Batman Begins,” “Fucking Ã…mÃ¥l,” or “Corpse Bride.” I watched them all this past weekend, but don’t remember in what order.

15. What was the last t.v show?
I rarely watch TV, but I did catch a bit of standup on Comedy Central the other day.

16. What do you want for your b-day?
Hugs, mainly.

17. What are you doing tonight?
Sleeping, but not enough.

18. When is your next vacation?
No idea.

19. How do you feel right now?
Bit headachey.

20. Who do you think will take this next?
Bella Abzug, but I’ve been wrong before.

Meme swiped from The Doctor…

A - Age of your first kiss: 18
B - Band you are listening to right now: 7 Seconds of Love.
C - Crush: Usually several.
D - Dad’s name: Same as mine, origianlly.
E - Easiest person to talk to: Fina, Murd0c, a few others.
F - Favourite ice cream: Chocolate Mint
G - Gummy worms or Gummy bears? Jelly babies!!!
H - Hometown: I’d like one of those one day.
I - Instruments: A moldy old MIDI keyboard, Cool Edit Pro, a few decent singing voices, recordings of other people’s music. Played trombone in grade school. I also have a drumstick collection, which I use to hit many things that aren’t drums.
J - Junior High: Uneventful.
K - Kids: They’re great, but I’m not planning on any.
L - Longest car ride: All-day multi-location runs through New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut in my old arcade tech crew job.
M - Mom’s name: Jo.
N – Nicknames: Rob, Roo, RTF, Firefly, Luciernaga, others I’ll only admit to in certain company.
O - One wish: More wishes.
P - Phobia: Being drugged.
Q - Quote: “There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.” - Albert Einstein
R - Reasons to smile: Everything.
S - Scent: Peppermint.
T - Time you woke up today: Many times, far too early.
U - Unknown fact about me: I’m marching in the NYC Halloween Parade this year… as Gene Frenkel.
V - Vacation: Home in bed.
W - Worst luck with: Women. Or money. Or both.
X - X-rays you’ve had: Teeth, chest, hand, knees.
Y - Years since you’ve been to church: I’m in church whenever there’s Earth below and sky above.
Z - Zodiac sign: Scorpio Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Libra Rising.

Thanks to the wonderful DJ K8T, I give you..

John Cleese’s Letter to America

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be
disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up “aluminium,” and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour’, ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix “ize” will be replaced by the suffix “ise.”

You will learn that the suffix ‘burgh’ is pronounced ‘burra’; you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as ‘Pittsberg’ if you find you simply can’t cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up “vocabulary”). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

2. There is no such thing as “US English.” We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of “-ize.”

3. You will relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The Queen”, but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called “Come-Uppance Day.”

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect.

At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling “gasoline”) -roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called “crisps.” Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

10. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as “beer,” and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as “Lager.” American brands will be referred to as “Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine,” so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American “football.” There is only one kind of proper football; you call it “soccer.” Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American “football”, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the “World Series” for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation.

mistranslated War of the Worlds bootleg subtitles

Condi, Hillary, and … Angelina?
When celebrities act like politicians, and politicians act like celebrities.

From TFA:

I don’t know whether Angelina Jolie is smart, smart for Hollywood, or not smart even by Hollywood standards. I do know, because I watched her speech, that she doesn’t have much to say about AIDS. Her message to the assembled businesspeople and politicians was that we all must do more to fight this terrible disease. In particular, Jolie pressured the audience to pressure CEOs to pressure politicians to do more. When they have no idea what to do, celebs tell other people to tell other people what to do.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Louis, the kickass radio poobah at KRFC Radio in Colorado who sometimes puts my silly work on the air (but has awesome taste in music otherwise) has put last Tuesday’s show up for download.

Here’s the playlist, and here’s the two-hours’-worth of MP3 goodness.

Go listen, dammit!

Missed work and 2600 today thanks to a damn migraine. Blorg.

The free time went to good use, though, as I do believe I’ve finally adjusted the layout of my dj-ing site into something that’s actually a teeny bit navigable.

I also relented to public opinion and added ZIP-compressed downloads of my Beastie Boys mashup album alongside the RAR ones. Happy now, you cross-platform-loving public, you?

EBAY SELLING TIPS:

Model your old dress for the small price of ten years of therapy for your son

See the Blessed Mother hanging out in someone’s womb

Help hurricane victims by purchasing a layer of grime from Britney’s feet

All this and more can be yours, at the Dark Side of eBay.

This evening marks the start of the Jewish Year 5766.

Leshana tova to my friends and readers of the Jewish faith!

Yesterday was Pagan Pride Day, and it was lots of fun. I mingled with lots of great friends, listened to great music from Blue Knight and Scott Helland, Isaac Bonewits give a keynote speech, and picked up a couple of interesting trinkets.

Many, many congrats to Courtney Lee on winning the scholarship! I know you’ll put that to good use.

On the job front, I no longer have to deal with insulting offers of $7/hour shit work from monster.com users. I’m now a receptionist and mail guy for a huge corporation. The commute is easier, the pay is slightly better, and the hours are slightly shorter than my last gig. Still have to figure out how to get to and from a couple of places, but it looks like a good gig for now.

Plus, it’s nice having a steady income again. If nothing else, my household must once again come up with more interesting reasons than unemployment to despise me.

I recently looked into performing standup at the Improv. That didn’t materialize, but I did spend a great hour on the phone with the guy in charge of booking new talent there. He was very helpful and eager to share tons of info with me on getting started in that particular business. I’m sticking to the odd open mic here and there for the moment, but am now a lot more comfortable about pursuing that particular goal than I was.